"Mom Guilt..." The Truth

"Mom Guilt..." The Truth

Do you ever feel like you are living a life giving and give to everyone around you but, never focusing on yourself? My answer to that question used to be YASSS!!! But, I finally realized how much better of a Mother, Wife, and friend I became from practicing daily self care.

After my second child was born I told my husband that I wanted to stay home with my kids. I couldn't bare to take them to daycare. I was worried about all the things I would be missing out on as my kids grew. So, he reluctantly agreed and I jumped feet first into "Stay At Home Motherhood!"

I had this Betty Crocker/Martha Steward/Super Women Mom idea of how being a full time Stay At Home Mom would be to an infant and 4 year old. I thought it was going to be wonderful and joyous all the time. I imagined myself on a stick routine and schedule beautifully balancing all of the different "hats" I would wear daily. 

But, the reality was...I had more dishes then ever before to clean up constantly, laundry pilling up all around me, no real time for effective Martha Stewart creativity, each day seemed to fly by with little checked off my "to do" list, and the feeling of failure haunted me more days then not.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't ALL negative. I loved getting to see all the first moments for my son and watch the sweet bond between him and his sister grow as she would try to Mother him. I was able to be apart of and experience so much of their lives as they grew. Those are special memories that I cherish still to this day! Until someone actually experiences true full time Stay At Home Motherhood, trying to explain how amazing, over whelming, and claustrophobic it can be all simultaneously really just sounds like your a complainer. 

I like to think of myself as pretty resilient, strong, and someone who works well under pressure. But, something I didn't realize back then was that even Super Women Mom can run out of super power. I couldn't survive forever with only pouring into my children and never focusing on myself! Self care was a phrase that was foreign and a routine that my "new Mother mentality" totally miss understood!

I took my roll as a Stay At Home Mom seriously and tried to pour as much love, guidance, strength, and positivity into my family on a daily basis. At first it was really easy to do because I am naturally a positive and loving person. After a year or two it became harder and harder to be positive. I was constantly putting all of my energy into my family and soon my cup ran out.

The pressure of always having to be on "Mom Duty" became over whelming and I was having anxiety attacks. Let's just be real for a second....being a Stay At Home Mom is tough! It's a 24/7 shift that was supposed to be joyous, but had turned into daunting stress. Balancing a new born with acid reflux, a 4 year old learning how to share her Momma for the first time, being a supportive wife to a husband who has a physically laboring job, and attempting to keep up with the house chores was bringing me closer to the breaking point every day! Plus, four months into this new "j o b" I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child!

As Mothers we have a natural primal instinct to take care of our kids, protect them, love them, and nurture them. So, to admit that I was weak, that full time Motherhood was stressing me smooth out, and my joy was being clouded was really tough! Those words tasted like vinegar so I chose to bottom up those feeling thinking NOT talking about would eventually make it all get better some how.  I had so much "Mom Guilt" for feeling this way! The "Mom Guilt" had so many faces during this season of my life like do I have enough love for two kids ( and a 3rd on the way), why couldn't I be dedicated to a daily routine (ha), why was my house always a mess even though it felt like I was constantly cleaning, and just remembering to shower daily was added stress!!

Thankfully, January of 2017 something changed. I had no idea then, that a decision to change my families eating habits to fight dyslexic and ADHD for my kids, would actually be the blessing of strength, hope, and guidance that I had been praying so desperately for during this crazy season of life I was living in.

This new journey of clean eating also encouraged being healthy as a whole by spending time each day focusing on myself with quite time, a work out, and even healthier eating. Something I hadn't done in about 4 years prier to this lifestyle change. This new lifestyle became something that was way more then just a transformation for my kids. It was a transformation mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for me. I learned the importance of true self care for myself! I had been ignorant to the fact that depriving myself of self care was actually causing a lot of the stress to be worse. 

After trial and error I learned how to adjust my routines to allow quiet time each morning to mentally prepare me for the obstacles of the day. Starting my day this way has given me more patience and less stress. It's crazy how I started to crave waking up early to have my quiet time.   Starting the day with my favorite devotional and at home work out gave more energy and motivation for the day. By the time my kids would be awake I would feel calm, refreshed, and encouraged because I had already accomplished so much for day.

Honestly, it was a mental shift to learned that it is OKAY to take time for myself each day to work out, read a book, take a walk, or even enjoy a bubble bath by myself. These were all things that used to not be an option because I thought my kids needed me every second. Soon I realized they didn't and I was a much better Mom because I chose to take the time for myself! The peace and mental clarity was amazing. 

This year I turn 30 and I have so much more peace going into my 30's then I did in my 20's. I know that no matter what I face I can do it through the strength and confidence that daily self care gives me! Moms, I want to encourage you today to LOVE YOURSELF again and to NOT feel "Mom Guilt" about it! Take time each day for a self care because it will bring positivity to  every aspect of your life!

➕Spend time doing things that make you smile from the inside out...

➕Spend time working towards personal goals that allow you to live life fully now....

➕Spend time focusing on what you CAN do instead of what you CAN’T...

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One day you will wake up and be too old to enjoy your life in your youth so take this time now, hold it tight and LIVE IT UP! "Mom Guilt", living stressed out, and overwhelmed isn't the way God intended Motherhood to be.  It is possible to balance Motherhood + Self Care.

xoxo,

Marlee